Rasa Tak Berasa vs Logika

1
Tak usah kau tunggu kata-kata indah
Aku itu sedang berdarah, lemah, memilih menyerah pada gundah
Aku rasa hatiku patah

2
Aaah kau, sok kalah pada rasa yang selalu serakah!!!
Berhentilah menjalarkan gundah
Berpura-pura mengerti arti kata menyerah
Dan jangan bodoh
Kau tahu - Hati itu darah... iya tak patah

1
Sialan... aku ini sedang sedih
Hiburlah dengan sedikit welas asih
Bukannya menghunus-hunuskan logika
Pada rasa yang sekarat kehilangan asa

2
Lalu apa??  Kau mau mengistirahatkan logika
Membiarkan iya mati suri oleh asa yg memang sudah tak lagi di sana
Namun sampai kapan? Kau tahu hidup terus berjalan
Alam terus menyajikan keindahan-keindahan

1
Aaaah aku memang masih berduka
Namun Logika ......tetaplah di sana
Bantu aku melepaskan rasa yang tinggal asa
Bantu aku mencabutnya dari akar jiwa
Agar rasa baru dapat menerpa dan menggantikan asa usang yang melegenda


*pictures are not belong to me

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Life is Hard, Here and There, Part 2

After months receiving request from my father to visit my aunty in Cianjur, finally I made it through a quiet long detour. After went home for my foster grandpa funeral, I was heading back to Java Island not to directly going back to Tangerang but to Cianjur. Beside silaturahim, my visit to Cianjur is to, hopefully, get a broader inside about how life is in this city.

Cianjur is not too far from Jakarta, it takes just 3.5 hours from Rambutan Bus station. Yet, my journey was taking too long, 10 hours from Merak to Cianjur. It is because the bus take too much stop and detour as attempt to get more  for passanger.  The normal time should only be 6 - 7 hours. If you want to visit Cianjur from Merak I would like to suggest you to take transit in Rambutan and then take Marita to Cianjur.

Bypass Cianjur. Photo from DiCianjur.com

Anyway, being satelite city of Bogor, Cianjur has a chill weather and not much of air polution.  Entering the city at almost dawn, I can feel that the society still live modestly. At this time still not much of society going out to do too-early business like in Tangerang or Jakarta. Seems people are still sleeping nicely on their bed. I can say, Cianjur greeted me with two positives lifestyle show.

However, I would say the lifestyle my aunty and her family do might a little bit uncommon for most people. So it is not a depiction of generalize Cianjur society lifestyle.

Around 4.15 am people wakes up and go to mosque for early morning prayer. I clean up and  pray at home. After my uncle and his children come back from mosque, I, my aunty and my uncle sat in living room and enjoyed the morning talks.
It was about updating what we are up to, what's for the next couple years and of course the talk about marriage- they offer to introduce me to their friends. But lets skip this part. 😂

From our morning discussion I learn that Cianjur is now slowly changing into industrial region. Several factory producing international brand has start their factory operation in Cianjur thia last few years and more to come. Many farmfield are converted into factory. People are moving their hope from selling harvested crop to monthly wage from those factory. Cianjur is urbanizing.

I asked them what most people in the neighbourhood do for life. Teachers are the most common profession. Even the non education major also join the force. Second is business owner (small scale industry). Another one is farmer, but mostly in the subdistrict of Cianjur, in the downtown side.

I dont like the fact that people is leaving farmer profession to pursue job as manufacturing worker. What's the difference from Tangerang society??

PT Pou Yuen Indonesia, Shoe Factory in Cianjur. Photo from Detik Business

It is sad to give up to the fact development means industrialization. Even Cianjur which the area is hilly, manufacture are still  considered it very tempting to develop their factory here. It is considerably good for developing country where the government wants a continueing flow of investment. But, the growing number of this manufacturing would also means the coming of job opportunity which lead to growing demand  on output of machinated human from our education system. People who would rely on their source of life to their salary from manufacture,. The salary is, then, used to by rice. The rice that used to come from their own paddy field but probably sold to pay their education fee. This education is considered paramount to fulfill the requirement to join the manufacture.
Amd finally society would realize that life is not as easy as it use to be when they still wat from thwie own paddy field and vegetable farm. That working for manufacturing is the only chance to survive for its where you can get money to by food.

Life is hard here.

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Monolog Cinta Di Rimba

Dua hati berdera menuju belantara.
Bersama beriringan namun tak seirama

1.
Duhai hati yang menemaniku di perjalanan ini
Aku terjebak memori

2.
Duhai hati yang mengembara sedari tadi
Genggam tanganku dan mari berlari
Kita ciptakan memori kta sendiri

1.
Aku tak suka belantara
Terlalu banyak dia

2.
Hi Belantara
Ku tapaki kedamaianmu bersama dia

1.
Aku benci udara belantara
Sesak dadaku dikepung memori akan aroma indahnya

2.
Duhai udara belantara
Biarkan ku simpan aroma tubuhnya di dada

1.
Ah deru air, sentuhanmu dingin
Semakin membekukan memori yang tak ku ingin

2.
Wahai gemericik, sejuk sentuhanmu mengundang syukurku
Atas rasanya padaku

Satu hati dalam diam merana
Satu lagi dalam tenang merajut rasa 
Satu hati terjebak rona memori
Satu lagi terhuyung - huyung merangkai kenangan di hati

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Life is Hard, Here and There , Part 1

I was one of person who believe that live in a big city is a huge advantage for its facility, connection and working opportunity. But, I start to doubt my own perception because life is hard here. It beats you everyday and in th

at everyday you have to get up and keep move on for tomorrow is still coming. You will need to at least feed yourself to stay alive -if saying fight back is too much. Life is hard here becuase the availability of facility does not necessarily mean that you can access the facility or you dont need it. Here, facility does not feel like privilege, it is just a daily need. And to build connection, you need time (you have to admit, your time is very limited) and (most of time) you need money to be connected with many. Not to mention, you dont always get the job that you like. 

Therefore recently I started to question if life could be better if I live in a different place, if I am having different job, is there a better thing I can do for myself but not here. I start seeing living in rural area as an option. 

This weekend I am forced to take a detour from my holiday plan, from hiking to go home (to Lampung) because my foster grandpa passed away. Sad indeed, but I also try to take the opportunity to get input from my family and neighbour about my plan. I would like to know "how is life in rural place like this?". I drawn myself into their daily conversation. As you may imagine it is an anywhere opportunity to get. In a village, you can get the talk about life anywhere and anytime. Take time to visit them in their house- join them in the afternoon talk after naaping time or in the evening after dinner, they will tell you all the story you missed from the village. 

The stories flow. In the village where my parent live, *Life is Hard, Dear*. People get sick. The same illness suffer by people in big city. Stroke, heart attach, diabete, leukimia, breast cancer and many more. Health facility is very basic here. The nearest hospital is 70 km away. For light illness people go to "Puskesmas" or community health center.  Private doctor is another option. Life is hard  here in my village, for "to live in village is a healthier life" is just a myth. 

A man just came back from his farm. The background is the empty market . The activivy stop at apptoximately 10.00 am. Many tenant just get enough money to eat for that day because they do not sell alot. 

Another fact is that people are trapped in loan. It is a common practice for civil servant. They will hypothecate their civil servant certificate to be in debt to bank.  People talked about Mr. A have a huge bank loan for his child school in Germany and failed to pay because here in the country the child cannot get a job that cover his study expense. Mr. B took loan to buy car. People was shocked knowing that Mr. And  Mrs. C got divorce and Mr. C refuses to split their loan to build house and buy car. Now Mrs. C should pay those choking debt by herself. 

Right Pict: Tradisional house of Lampung. Left Pict: Typical contemporer house built by society nowadys

Once again, I thought only people in big city would take this risky lifestyle. I, myself, is trying hard to avoid debt especially to entity like bank. I do not take any offer to have credit card for I am affraid I cannot control my shopping appetite. I thought people in the village would realize it better that economic situation in the area do not give them much opportunity to invest and multiple their money moreover if civil servant salary is the only source of income they have. Life is hard here for the expensive lifestyle

Talking about economic situation, farming is no more a potential source of income. For example, 3 years ago cassava and corn have a huge profit potential, but now the price is going down and farmers are loosing their profit. Other commodity like durian, papaya, chilli etc are affected by bad weather. The price is high but they can only harvest a few. It is pretty different in the city. People are still going to work despite bad weather. They still get monthly salary regardless their productivity. 

In the village, it gets worse by security concern. Robbery is daily news for society and install terror in their head. It limits society mobilization and willingness to buy valuable things for they are affraid it will endangered themselves. Security is almost not a concern in the city, especially Jakarta. Government wants to make investor feel safe. Their money is save. Their investment is safe. While, it is totally different here in the village. The robbery is an old news but seems government has no power over the criminal. Society live in terror. But who cares, maybe because there is no investor money to be protected. Who cares that it affects economic activity of the villagers. People are affraid or  do not have money to buy things. Market is empty. Money circulates very slowly. This district is dying. 

Sadly, I have to conclude  that, *life is hard here for economic activity does not work properly*. 

I have not given up to find a comparison. I decided to visit my uncle in Cianjur, a district on West Java. 

(to be continued)

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Pusara Waktu

Aneh rasanya, benar-benar berada dalam petuah *semuanya diciptakan berpasangan*. Eits.. aku nggak lagi mau bahas tentang jodoh. Ini tentang hidup dan mati.

Beberapa hari lalu,  aku dapat kabar bahwa kakekku (Mbah Awi) meninggal - kakek angkat ayah, tapi beliau sungguh sayang kepada kami cucu-cucu bukan kandungnya. Beliau selalu mengingatkanku pada mbah kakung dalam hal fisik, namun benar-benar dalam versi yang berbeda dalam hal karakter. Mbah kakung orang yang tegas ceplas ceplos dan cenderung kejawen. Mbah Awi lembut sekali, tutur bahasanya terucap rapi ciri khas cendikiawan dan memegang teguh islam dalam kesehariannya. Yang pasti keduanya baik dan aku ingin mengamalkan teladan-teladan kebaikan mereka. Semoga keduanya diberi tempat yang indah di sisi Alloh.

Ada mati dan ada hidup. Keesokan harinya di jam makan siang, seorang teman kantor bercerita riang di tangah kantor " hore, garis dua... garis dua*. Akhirnya istrinya hamil. Terdengar ada getaran haru, bahagia dan cemas dalam teriakan itu. Semua orang menyelamati.

Aku sendiri lalu memikirkan tentang betapa manusia dengan sangat mudah digantikan. Hari ini aku kehilangan, di hari yang sama seorang teman menerima kehadiran kehidupan baru. Sangat urgent rasanya untuk segera menyadari dan menjelang tujuan hidup sebelum Tuhan memutuskan sudah saatnya aku digantikan oleh nyawa lainnya.

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Memoar Wafatnya Ibuku (Part 2)

Mengenang perjalanan  terakhir bersama emakku.

Seorang perempuan paruh baya menatap sayu keluar jendela kereta.

Hatinya sedikit resah, diperjalanan ini suaminya sakit. Masuk angin kalau kata orang jawa.
Iya bersyukur putri ketiganya akhirnya dapat bergabung dengan mereka saat kereta mampir di Statiun Jatinegara.

Kala menatap ke jendela itu, ia mengucap syukur dengan getir.

Segala puji bagi Allah yang telah memberinya kekuatan untuk menempuh perjalanan PP 2000 km ini meski dengan langkah terseok-seok dan tangan kanan yang setengah berfungsi.
Terima kasih pula karena dikuatkan akan janji keberkahan silaturahmi bagi siapapun yg menyongsongnya, sehingga membumbungkan kekuatan untuk melakukan perjalanan ini.
Terima kasih untuk sekali lagi mendapatkan kesempatan melihat kampung halamannya setelah 10 tahun berlalu. Saat itu Mbah Kakung anak-anak pulang kepangkuan Gusti Alloh.

Terima kasih telah diizinkan berada didekat putra sulung tercinta. Sudah belasan tahun sejak sang putra meningggalkan Sang Ibu, kembali ke Sang Pencipta. "Apa kabarmu di sana, Nak? Ibu rindu," lirihnya.

Terima kasih, dapat berada di rumah itu lagi, walau hanya sebentar. Rumah yang ia bangun dengan hasil jerih payahnya sendiri ketika ia belum dipertemukan dengan ayah anak-anak. Rumah di mana ia membesarkan anak-anaknya, hampir seperti seorang diri, karena suami harus berurbanisasi.
"Jangan jual rumah Ibu ya Nak. Satu-satunya harta yang pernah Ibu miliki dalam waktu lama," pesannya dalam hati, berharap anak-anaknya mengerti.

Ia menghela nafas. teringatkan lagi ia sudah cukup tua, rasanya baru beljm lama sejak ia semalaman gendong anak-anaknya yang demam . Kini badan itu seringkali harus dibopong anak-anaknya ketika berjalan.

Baru sebentar rasanya hari-harinya dipenuhi rengekan 5 anak-anaknya yang kini sudah mulai belajar mandiri. Rumah sudah mulai sunyi.

Lalu sebentar ia menatap sendu putrinya di baris seberang sana. Putrinya sibuk membuatkan teh panas untuk ayahnya.

"Nduk, kamu sudah besar sekarang. Kamu jarang pulang. Tapi ibu mengerti, dulu juga ibu begitu, berapi- api merajut mimpi," ucapnya dalam hati.

Ia lalu mencoba terlelap sambil berdoa, semoga esok ia kuat menyusuri jembatan Pelabuhan menuju Terminal Bakauheuni. Atau paling tidak anak dan suaminya akan cukup sabar menantinya diujung jembatan yang akan ia arungi dengan langkah terseok-seok.

Emak ku tercinta,

Mungkin memang seperti itulah sifatnya selalu optimis dan merasa kuat. Atau mungkin pula, ia cukup menyadari bahwa ia harus melakukan perjalanan ini, sekali lagi merasa dekat dengan tanah kelahirannya, dengan orang-orang terkasihnya dan sekali lagi mengarungi bumi bersama satu-satunya  laki-laki yang pernah memikat hatinya, karena mungkin kesempatan itu takkan ada lagi.

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Mimpi dalam Kecemasan

Akhir- akhir ini aku merasa sangat labil, terlalu banyak berfikir dan bertanya bahkan cenderung was- was. Aku ingat diriku duku tak begitu. Aku dulu seperti tahu sekali apa yang ku mau dan apa yang benar. Mungkin karena dulu aku jauh lebih sedikit tahu dari sekarang, mungkin juga karena dulu aku terlalu naive. Memandang hidup dengan kacamata sederhana. Kacamata hitam putih.

Mungkin ini rasanya jadi dewasa. Hidup serasa penuh tantangan. Jika dulu aku dapat memprediksi apa yang akan aku hadapi esok hari, bahwa rasa hidup tak akan jauh beda dari hari ini dan aku merasa baik- baik saja akan hal itu. Kini aku khawatir tentang bagaimana ini, bagaimana itu dan seterusnya. Kadang aku merasa takut saat memikirkan hari esok akan sama dengan hari kemarin. Aku terlalu takut jika langkah yang ku ambil adalah kemunduran dan bukan langkah maju yang dapat membawaku selangkah lebih dekat dengan mimpiku.

Lalu ngomong- ngomong tentang mimpi. Apakah bermimpi memang seaneh ini rasanya. Kamu seperti mengejar sesuatu yang tak tampak dengan beban di pundakmu yang amat  berat karena puluhan to-do list yang harus kamu lakukan dengan tekun dan berkesinambungan. Satu- satunya cara untuuk memindahkan beban itu menjadi investasi tak kasat mata adalah dengan melakukan semua  to-do list itu sehingga ia berubah menjadi proses pembelajaran yang membuatmu menjadi lebih mumpuni dari sebelumnya.

Namun pengejaran seperti tak pernah berakhir. To-do list yang satu hanya akan membawamu kepada deretan to-do list baru. Pengetahuan yang baru semakin membuatmu merasa kecil dan tak tahu apa- apa, bahwa sepuluh tetes pengetahuan lainnyalah yang kamu butuhkan setelah meneguk setetes pengetahuan. Lalu badan dan pikiranmu mulai berontak. "Masa bodoh" katanya, "kamu masih punya hari esok. Sekarang waktunya beristirahat dan ingat kamu masih punya satu session serial untuk ditonton." Seringkali aku kalah dalam pertempuran seperti ini, berakhir dengan penyesalan karena aku tak bergerak dari titik pengejaranku kemarin. masih di sini ribuan mil dari mimpi- mimpi yang ku.

Aku adalah seorang pemimpi. Aku selalu sadar itu. Aku pun pernah merasakah pahit manisnya meraih mimpi yang rasanya mustahil dengan semua tambahan pencapaian yang aku tak pernah minta sebelumnya. Aku biarkan diriku bergelimang kesepian hanya agar pengejaran mimpiku terus menjadi mungkin. Aku pernah mengabaikan waktu agar raga dan pikiranku dapat melaju ke mimpiku dengan lebih cepat. Lalu apa yang membedakannya...Baik dalam mimpiku yang ini dan yang telah tercapai, aku sama- sama dapat mecium manisnya pencapaian, melihat indahnya senyum kelegaan dan menerawang bertambah luasnya kesempatan. Namun mengapa dorongan pencapaian ini tak setinggi dulu.
Apakah memang aku sudah lelah? Namun itu adalah alasan, sedangkan pemimpi tak suka beralasan. Ataukah ini bukan mimpi sejatiku sehingga raga dan jiwaku tak mau berjuang selayaknya para pemimpi. Mungkin aku butuh bantuanmu untuk menjawabnya, atau aku sebenarnya tahu jawabanya? Ah... semakin linglung diri ini rasanya.

Lalu ku baca lagi tulisanku hari ini. Tiba- tiba aku merasa bodoh dan abstrak. (-;

Aku berharap. dalam setiap langkahku, Alloh memberi petunjuk, keridoan dan ilmu yang bermanfaat.

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